letters to and from James hathaway
by enterprise29
Summary: As the tittle says this storry is all about letters to and from James hathaway starting from about aged 12. may be slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

Dear J

That sounds more mysterious, just a letter rather than a name I'm sure you can guess exactly who it is but I think that's how I'm going to sign off with just a single letter that would make others but not you, wonder just who it was writing to them. I hope you don't mind me writing to you, but I think I needed someone to talk to and despite our situations we seemed to get along well, and you did tell me to write; I guess this will show whether you meant it or not.

Any way I really hope this gets to you and I'd love it if you replied. If you don't I'll understand, so don't worry. Ok?

How's it going?

What's it like being forced to live with your sisters?

Are they treating you ok?

Are you alright?

Is your life in complete chaos like mine? To me it feels like my life has been turned upside down. Everything's different, changed; and I really can't say I like it much. Not at the moment anyway; maybe in time I will, but not now.

Can't wait to hear from you, maybe we will see each other soon too. Fingers crossed.

Love C

-x-

p.s. don't get me wrong I love my uncle, aunt and my cousins but it's not the same.

p.p.s. Please write soon, I promise to reply, I think you are the only person who has ever got to know me. The real me; especially outside the family.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear C

Thanks for the letter it cheered me up in some ways, to hear from you, not because and I quote 'my life has been turned upside down. Everything's different, changed; and I really can't say I like it much. Not at the moment anyway; maybe in time I will, but not now' as you shouldn't feel like that, you're not alone and people care about you, for you. I care. I know what you're going through, I'll listen any time; but your right, it's happened to me too, life has turned upside down. I think your right the single letter is better, lets continue it in all our letters. Ok so right then let's start by answering your letter.

Its ok at the moment but you know how it is, don't you? It's not like their (my sisters) physically hurting me or anything, or not that I'm not still grieving, or anything, or as you say it's not like the world seems to be the right way up, but its settling . I think.

God I swear my sisters hate me; they keep making me go to church and repent and everything, they don't seem to understand, that that's just not me, that unlike them dad didn't bring me up with a faith, let alone a strong faith like them, because of mum. I think. My sisters they don't like me, never did and probably never will. Everything was always my fault, you know? Actually you probably don't, or at least not in the same way being an only child but you don't need to know how it feels you just 'need' (you don't actually) to know that they always blame me. Always.

Despite what I have said they aren't treating me badly, I guess it's just not what I'm used to. How I want to be treated. What about you? How similar is your situation to mine? All I can say is think yourself lucky, at least your uncle and his family love you, unlike my sisters, who simply tolerate me, and that's at best.

I suppose I'm fine really, despite all my moaning in pretty much all of the letter above, I'm doing as well as can be expected. What about you? Are you feeling the same way as me?

Although I have to say your right life is chaos.

Please write again soon, in my our changing worlds this is something to keep me sane, we both may only be twelve at this moment and maybe we will both grow up and have exceptionally normal lives, but right now I need something constant, something to keep me sane and know that life isn't all bad, and I think your letters are the perfect thing to do that. So I James Hathaway promise you charlotte lewison that I will keep writing to you until you tell me to stop, or you stop writing back to me too.

Yours faithfully

J

-x-


	3. Chapter 3

Dear J

Thanks for replying so quickly, it cheered me up to hear from you as you know what I'm feeling. I'm still wondering though how we are supposed to cope, how do you cope? I mean it's not like we can just keep taking whatever comfort there is around us (and I'm sure I am receiving much more comfort than you, your sisters don seem like they care much, or at least they don't seem like they care about you much. Am I wrong?) When those around us a grieving and need comfort too, can we?

I'm sorry your sisters aren't helping you so much, but I'll always listen, even if they don't, that much I promise you. Everyone needs someone to listen to them at some point or they just become closed off and broken. Don't do that James, don't become a closed off and broken person, promise me? A wasted, awful, terrible childhood is no excuse for a wasted life, no excuse to become closed off and broken, and most importantly no excuse to do that to someone else. No excuse. They caught them James; the person that killed my mother, and do you know what? Their lawyer's trying to get them off the hook because they had a 'messed-up' childhood.

Your right I know exactly how it is. I mean physically I'm fine, but honestly I'm not really, I think to the outside world I look fine, but truly that's purely a cover, a cover and nothing else, 'cause inside, inside I'm falling apart, piece by piece. I think I have lost that spark, that spark that makes me, well me I suppose, it's just no-one else can see that because I'm hiding what I really feel (not totally as I am talking to people (some stupid person thinks I need to see a shrink, so guess what, I have to go and have counselling, can you believe it? What about you, do you have to see a shrink or is it just me?) mainly because I don't want to end up like a cold shell of a person and most importantly, I don't want to end up like my mother's murderer; but that doesn't mean I'm showing my emotions to others. Or at least I don't think I am.) What about you? Do you feel like you're wearing a mask, rather than what you really feel?

I don't think you discovering a faith is totally a bad thing, so long as it isn't taken to any extremes (**DON'T YOU DARE turn into a monk (and definitely not a nun (although that would probably involve you having a complete mental breakdown and a sex change) either) or anything on me. Ok? 'cause I'll miss you if you decide to go and live in complete solitude) **and you're ok with it. You never know it may give you the stability you need to cope with all that has happed. What faith is it? Is it catholic like them? Or is it C of E like me? Because if it the same as them then I don't think they would blame you entirely for your mother's death even if it feels like that; and they can't blame you for your father's death because that was his own doing (maybe because he never got over your mother?) it had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you're sisters are just still grieving themselves? It's their father too, and they now have the added responsibility in looking after you as well; how old did you say they both were? Although maybe I'm wrong, especially if you say they were like that before, I sincerely hope things do improve, but if they don't you'll work through it, I'm sure, I'll help you get through it. If they do always continue to blame you, look at this letter and remember that NOT everyone blames you. Ok?

I'm being treated fine, almost too well. It's like they think I'm going to break (and I might) but I don't need to be treated like that, I want to know the cold hard facts, I need to get back to the 'real' world, and if I break, well I break , I'll just have to start again (it's not like I'm not starting from scratch now anyway). In different ways my situation is very similar to yours, as I'm being treated differently, my cousins Lynn and Mark aren't teasing me like they would normally and my aunt and uncle, well it feels like they are wrapping me in blankets or something to stop me feeling pain, but I think eventually we will sort through it and find some sort of balance. Hopefully.

You are so right. I mean I have everything okish, they love me so it seems better than your situation, yet I seem to only be complaining even though apart from her death nothing is 'really' wrong.

Can't wait to hear from you soon. As you're right in my currently insane world your letters are keeping me sane. I will take you up on your promise, so you had better not stop writing to me, ok?

I hope you're right and we do go on to lead exceptionally normal lives, but it doesn't feel like we I could at the moment.

What are your dreams for the future James? What do you want to be?

Love

C

-x-


End file.
